SPECIAL SONGS from the USP-Tucson Christmas Carol Collection

HERE COME THE PEDOPHILES
(Sung to the tune of Here Comes Santa Claus)

Here come the Pedophiles,
Here corne the Pedophiles,
Creeping up Santa Claus Lane;
Parents cry and shake in fear,
They try to keep their Children near,
Sirens are Wailing, People are Screaming,
‘Cause the Pedophiles are coming Tonight;

Here come the Pedophiles,
Here come the Pedophiles,
All dressed like Santa Claus;
The Town is filled with fear and dread,
‘Cause they look like the Walking Dead;
Load up your Shotgun, Lock all the Doors,
‘Cause the Pedophiles are corning Tonight;

There’s the real Santa Claus,
With Twenty Hells Angels,
Riding down Santa Claus Lane;
There was a Battle, it went very well,
Fifty Pedophiles are now in Hell,
Bells are Ringing, People are Singing,
The Real Santa will be Corning Tonight.

JINGLE BELLS {USP-Tucson Version}

Dashing through the Park, all Part of my Plans,
Heading toward the Swings, Candy in Both Hands,
I saw a Little Boy, he sure looked lone-lee,
When I tried to Touch Him, He kicked me in the Knee, Hey;
Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle if you’re Gay,
I just Love to Touch Children, I do it Every Day, Hey!
Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle if you’re Gay,
Oh what Fun, it is to Touch, Child-ren by the Bay;
I saw a Little Girl, I Offered her some Pie,
When I tried to Touch Her, She Stabbed my in the Eye,
Visiting a Farm, in my Fav-or-ite Rain-coat,
When I was Nineteen, I had Sex with a Goat, Hey!
Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle if you’re Gay,
I just Love to Touch Children, I do it Every day, Hey,
Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle if you’re Gay,
This Job’s getting Tougher But I’ll do it till I’m Grey, Hey!

TWELVE DAYS OF CHRISTMAS

(NAMBLA is the North American Man-Boy Love Association.)
On the First Day of Christmas, NAMBLA sent to me
A Six-Foot Gummy Bear Tree.
On the Second Day of Christmas, NAMBLA sent to me
Two Un-marked White Vans
and a Six-Foot Gummy Bear Tree.
On the Third Day of Christmas, NAMBLA sent to me
Three Big Wheels Trikes
Two Un-marked White Vans
and a Six-Foot Gummy Bear Tree.
**Fast-forward to the last verse**
On the Twelfth Day of Christmas, NAMBLA sent to me
Twelve Naked Cub Scouts,
Eleven Kiddie Porn Movies,
Ten Child Size Handcuffs,
Nine Boxes of Candy,
Eight Dr. Suess Books,
Seven Transformer Toys,
Six Boy’s Live Magazines,
Five Rolls of Duct Tape,
Four Spiderman Costumes,
Three Big Wheels Trikes
Two Un-marked White Vans
and a Six-Foot Gummy Bear Treeeee.

 Frosty the Pervert

(Sung to the Tune of “Frosty the Snowman)

Frosty the Pervert was so Glad that he was Born,
He spent Eight Hours Every Night, just Watching Kiddy Porn.
Frosty the Pervert was as Sick as he could be.
He chased some Children in the Park, and ran into a Tree.
There must have been some Magic
That made Frosty Start to Dance,
But it wasn’t Magic
That made him Pull Down those Little Boys’ Pants.
Frosty the Pervert thought that he was Really Cool.
He went and got Himself a Job, at an El-e-men-tary School.
He worked as a Jan-i-tor, and Sang a Happy Song,
Walking Round the Hallways, Touching Children all day long.
Frosty Touched the Wrong Kid,
And the Cops were on his Trail,
He Tried to Run but they Caught him,
and Hauled him off to Jail.
Frosty was Convicted, and now he’s a Fat Gay Con,
Pulling down his own Pants, at U.S.P. Tuc-son.

MITCHELL THE TWISTED PERVERT

Mitchell is the Elizabeth Smart kidnapper

{Sung to the Tune of Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer}

Mitchell the Twisted Pervert,
Loved to do Disgusting Things,
He Bragged that he’s had Sex With,
A Thousand Animals with Wings;
All of the other Perverts,
Used to Laugh and Call him Names,
They wouldn’t let Sick Mitchell,
Join them in their Pedophile Games;
Then one Stormy Christmas Eve,
Mitchell grabbed a Girl named Beth,
But two Hells Angels stopped Him,
And they beat that Creep to Death;
Then all of the other Perverts,
Laughed and Danced ’cause he was Gone,
They think that they’re all Safe Here,
In Lovely U-S-P Tuc-son.

SOUTH TUCSON (Sung to the tune of EL PASO)

At a summertime Day Care, in old South Tucson,
I fell in love with a ten year old Boy,
Day-times would find me, at Rosa’s Day Care,
The music would play, and my Billy would whirl.
Blue as the sky were the eyes of my Billy,
Trusting and loving while casting a spell,
My love was deep for this cute little fellow,
I was in love but in vain, I could tell.
One day a sleezy old pervert came in,
He came from West HoI ly-wooooooooooood ,
Creepy and daring, a milkshake he was sharing,
With sweet little Billy, the boy that I loved.
So-o-o, in annnnnnnnn-ger I
Challenged his right for the love of my Billy,
Down went his hand for the candy he dropped,
My challenge was answered in less than a heartbeat,
The creep had a stroke and fell dead on the floor.
Just for a moment I stood there in silence,
Glad the old per-vert had died and was done,
Many thoughts raced through my mind as I stood there,
I had but one chance and and that was to run.
Out through the back door of Rosa’s I ran,
Out where the Big Wheels were paaaarrrrrrrked,
I grabbed a new one, it looked like it’d hold me,
Into the seat and its pedals I floored.
Just as faaasssst as,
I could from the back door of Rosa’s Day Care,
Out to the bad-lands of Central Tucson.
Back in South Tucson, my life would be worthless,
Everything’s gone in life, nothing is left,
It’s been a week since I’ve seen Little Billy,
My love is stronger that my fear of death.
I got on the Big Wheel, away I did go,
Riding alone in the daaaaaaaaarrrk,
Maybe tomorrow a bullet may find me,
Tonight nothing’s worse that this pain in my heart.
And at laaasst, heee-re I
Am on the hill overlooking South Tucson,
I can see Rosa’s Day Care below,
My love is strong and it pushes me onward,
Down off the hill to my Billy I go.
Off to my right I see five angry parents,
Off to my left my pa-role off-i-cer,
Shouting and screaming, I can’t let them catch me,
I have to make it to Rosa’s back door.
Something is dreadfully wrong for I feel,
A deep burning pain in my si-i-iiiiiiiiiide,
Though I am trying to pump on the pedals,
I’m getting weary, unable to ride.
But my loooo-o-ove for,
Billy is strong and I rise where I’ve fallen,
Though I am weary I can’t stop to rest,
I see the white puff of smoke from the rifle,
I feel the bullet go deep in my chest.
From out of nowhere, my Billy has found me,
Touching my cheek as he kneels by my side,
Cradled by two little arms that I’ll die for,
One little kiss, there’s one less ped-o-phile ….